I Think I Have Capgrass Syndrome

Because for all you know, your mother could secretly be a robot

Quiz yourself:
– Do you believe somebody close to you has been replaced by an imposter? Well, now that you mention it…
– How about an alien? That’s entirely possible
– A robot? Oh. That’s a terrifying thought
– A shape-shifting wizard? You really think they exist?
– Can you really tell the difference? Really? No. No, I couldn’t tell the difference. Oh, my God!

Should you find yourself coming down with Capgrass Syndrome, you might begin to suspect that your spouse is an imposter, someone who looks exactly like your wife or husband but is actually just pretending. Alternately, you might become convinced that your child is an alien shape-shifter just waiting to catch you off-guard so it can suck your memory out through your face. Or it could be your dog. Two words: “robot dog.” Think about it

In many cases, the victim of Capgrass Syndrome may simply accept the imposter’s presence. Other times, the perceived switch causes considerable problems. If you’re seriously convinced that somebody took your loved one and replaced him or her with an automated diesel-powered Simubot 3000, you might decide to crack open that Simubot with a kitchen knife and pull out its clockwork gears. Simubots can be put back together; husbands and wives, as a rule, cannot.

It can be brought on by a stroke, drug overdose, blunt trauma to the head, or other events that interfere with emotional exchange mechanisms in the brain. In some cases, it will go away on its own (the brain establishes new connections, or you decide you like the impostor better). Cognitive behavior therapy might help, but if that fails, a strong dose of anti-psychotic meds or a stint with electroconvulsive therapy might be just the ticket to curing Capgrass Syndrome.

The Slitheens - Alien imposters unmasked

OH. MAH. GAWD.

I have Capgrass Syndrome

Or maybe I’ve just been watching way too much Doctor Who. You must admit, with the amount of alien imposters, robot people, Dalek attacks (they’re never going to fucking die, man), and so on and so forth, it’s hard not to be a little bit paranoid about the creepy monotony of day to day life.

….nope. Definitely Capgrass Syndrome

And the first person we’re taking a knife to is Ann Coulter. Tell me you don’t see the similarities between her and the Slitheen. Back to Raxacoricofallapatorian with you, Ann. Leave us be!

 
**Disease break-down and general humor care of Dennis Diclaudio’s The Paranoid\’s Pocket Guide to Mental Disorders You Can Just Feel Coming On

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