I Think I Have Encephalitis

In which your brain swells up inside your skull

Symptoms

-fever                                –disorientation
headache                    -seizures
loss of appetite         -hearing loss
fatigue                           -hallucinations
lethargy                        -double vision
nausea                          –memory loss
sensitivity to light   –confusion

Have you ever bashed your foot so bad that the skin beneath your ankle grew taut over blood-swelled muscle tissue and you could feel its flesh pressing tightly against the fabric of your shoe? Well, imagine that your foot is your brain and you shoe is your skull. That’s encephalitis

It is an inflammation of the brain. Your brain literally swells up inside your head and it occurs when a virus or bacterial infection in your body spreads to your brain. If you get a bad case of it, the likelihood that you will die is…well, likely. If you do not in fact die, it is possible that you will have lasting brain damage from the pressure of your brain pushing against your skull. And if THAT doesn’t happen, you also have the possibility of getting a neurological disorder (like akinetic mutism). If none of that happens, you will recover. Congratulations

There is really no way of preventing encephalitis except to not contract any of the sicknesses that cause it. Those include but are no limited to the flu, mono, measles, mumps, shingles, whooping cough, herpes simplex, HIV/AIDS, chicken pox, West Nile virus, hepatitis,  hypoglycemia, ebola, Buggy Creek Virus, and Hemagglutinating Virus of Japan…you know, just to name a few. If you manage to do that, you will not contract encephalitis.

OH. MAH. GAWD

I have encephalitis

Or maybe I just drank way too much over the weekend and conveniently forgot to 1) sleep, 2) drink water, 3) eat food, 4) pop some Tylenol, 5) take care of myself at all

….nope. Definitely encephalitis

 

*Disease break-down and general humor care of Dennis Diclaudio’s The Hypochondriac\’s Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have

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