I Think I Have Hyperexplexia

Because everything, everywhere, is always shocking

Quiz Yourself:
-Are you easily startled? Most definitely
-Do loud noises cause you to recoil more than they should?
 Loud noises, soft noises, simple touches – I’m a complete mess
-Do your muscles ever clench so tightly that you become all but paralyzed?
-What was that noise?
AHHHHHH! Don’t scare me like that!

A sudden loud noise, someone jumping out at you, a polar bear falling through the ceiling and into your living room – all of these things are likely to startle you. And your blood pressure shoots up, you scream, “Ah! A polar bear!” These are all very natural responses to unexpected and irregular stimuli.

But what if your reaction to unexpected and irregular stimuli was a little more…exaggerated? What if every time a door slammed shut, you jumped into the air and jerked your limbs wildly? What if every time the salesman at the clothing store appeared from behind a rack of coats to wish you happy shopping, you screamed bloody murder? What if every time your wife reached out to lovingly touch your shoulder, you froze stiff as a board and tipped over like a falling redwood?

That would be hyperexplexia. And for people who suffer from it, even the smallest of shocks, the lightest of touches will cause an incredibly overblown reaction. In rare cases, the stimulus will cause your muscles to clench up so tightly that you can’t move. You can’t balance yourself. And then comes the slightest breeze and…timber!

Hyperexplexia is a genetic neurological condition, which means that when you hear a door slam, even your DNA gets scared. There is no cure for it, but anti-anxiety and anti-spastic medications may be prescribed to make symptoms more tolerable. And you should probably avoid places like Count Dracula’s Bloody Hellhouse of Horror and Freakatorium

The Witch: A fellow Hyperexplexia sufferer


I have Hyperexplexia

Or maybe…well. Umm. It could be that…erm

You know what? This one is actually plausible. I might really have this.



**Disease breakdown and general humor care of Dennis DiClaudio’s The Paranoid’s Pocket Guide to Mental Disorders You Can Just Feel Coming On


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