Tag Archives: funnies

“Never really sniffed her. Maybe I should give it a go.”

Sometimes it just feels good to give someone a thorough sniff

*sniiiiiiiff*

Ahhh…

That’s nice

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There is Nothing Like Freema’s Walk

Shown at the wrap party after Series 4 (and specials) of Doctor Who. Saying goodbye to Ten and RTD

AND THUS ENDED THE LAST GREAT TIME WAR AND EVERYONE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END

But seriously

Where has this been hiding? Hot damn

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L’Oréal Timelord

Because we’re worth it

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This Is Definitely The Kind of Day I’m Having

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It’s Like Looking in a Mirror…

…except her hair is a shit ton cooler than mine

The things dubstep makes me do

My neck hurts

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My Life is So Cheesy

Can we talk about cheese for minute?

I want to talk about cheese

If you happen to be lactose intolerant, you are more than welcome to stick your tongue out at me and go spend some more time on Facebook or surfing your lactose intolerant community boards or whatever the hell it is you do when you can’t eat cheese.

Cheese is a big part of my life. It’s more than mere like. I’d almost go as far as to say that cheese is a essential to my feeding time happiness. If my day does not include cheese, I will be a grumpy girl by the time I go to sleep.

Now, hold on a second. Don’t raise your eyebrows at me/the computer screen. Think about the things you eat that contain cheese and then YOU tell me that if you cut them out of your daily diet, if you wouldn’t be grumpy.

The cheese possibilities are endless. You want soup? Potato and cheese. You want a sandwich? Grilled cheese. You want a snack? Nacho cheese Doritos. You want uppity hor d’oeuvres? Cheese and crackers. Cream cheese. Cottage cheese. Cheese stuffed in a roll. Microwaved cheese. Night cheese. Pots of melted cheese made socially acceptable by the graces of fondue. Oh, holy Lord, it is a beautiful world

Everyone always asks, “So, what do you look for in a relationship?” And I can’t tell you all the answers to that. I don’t know what makes the perfect man. But I’ll tell you one thing, my future companions have to understand something: there WILL be cheese in our relationship.

And if you can’t handle that, it’s probably for the best that you find someone else because me and my cheese will not be parted.

***

In other news, I am addicted to gifs

Again, if you can’t handle that, it’s probably for the best that you never visit this site again

Because

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I Think I Have Cornu Cutaneum

In which you grow a horn, not like a goat, but more like a rhinoceros 

Symptoms:
-itching                         -skin growths

-tenderness                        -warts
-skin discoloration        -horn

Doesn’t it always happen at the worst time? Your big job interview. The crucial first date with that cute girl from the gym. That indictment hearing for massive corporate fraud. You think you’ve got everything under control: the right suit, reservations at a trendy Thai restaurant, falsified expense accounts. Then you look in the mirror on the big day and – boom – you’ve got a horn on your face

Since horns can sometimes grow to several inches in length, they’re pretty hard to cover up. You can try to explain that it’s just a hard, dense, pointy overgrowth of keratin (the same material found in your hair and nails), probably the result of a minor tumor from being in the sun too long, but what does it matter? A horn is a horn

While you can grow a horn anywhere on your body, they tend to grow more often on the face and hands. The tumors that cause these horns are usually benign, but not always. So while the horn is not technically a health risk, it may speak of a bigger problem. The horn is technically dead material, so it can be easily shaved off by a sterile razor blade, but depending on the type of tumor at the base of the horn, further treatment may be required (radiation, chemotherapy, surgery)

To prevent horn growth, stay out of the sun. Use lots of sunscreen. Keep away from radiation. If you notice any strange growths or discoloration of the skin, have them looked at by a dermatologist or a zoologist

The pictures of people with actual horns were horrific, so I chose a more majestic horned creature instead

OH. MAH. GAWD

I have Cornu Cutaneum

Or maybe it’s just one massive zit…

Nope. Definitely Cornu Cutaneum

 

***Disease breakdown and general humor care of Dennis DiClaudio’s The Hypochondriac’s Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have

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